God Changed Me
By Mike Martin
This is a true story. The names haven’t even been
changed. It is a
story about
how Jesus became my best friend.
I was twenty-five, had a wife and two kids, and
had really seen just
about all life
and God had to offer, or so I thought. Although I
had been raised a
Christian, I
had abandoned God and the Church and had given sin
and self-interest full
control of my life.
In May of 1975, my wife Jackie had had enough and
left to stay with
her mother.
A week or so passed before my heart and the pile
of undone dishes started
telling me I really needed her back. After work
Saturday night, I
called to see if
she would meet me to work things out. Her mother,
Edna, said that
Jackie was
not home and had gone out with someone on a date.
I was stunned. Were
things really that bad? I drove the 25 miles to
town hoping to see her
when she
got home from her date. My head and my heart were
reeling from the
knowledge that mywife was out with another man.
Waiting was driving me
crazy and I decided to go find her before
something happened with the
other
guy. She had gone to a popular nightclub and as I
pulled into the
parking lot
she was coming out with him. I was too confused
and emotional to get
out of
the car but just watched as they left. They had
not seen me arrive so
I followed
them expecting them to go to her Mom’s place. I
was devastated when
they led
me to his apartment and went in together. I felt
like the wind had
been knocked
out of me. I parked, and went into a tavern a
block from his apartment
to wait.
I had never felt such grief and rejection. My wife
was with a
stranger.
Eventually I returned to her Mom’s place and
waited in the car. What
could I
say? What would she say? I loved her! How could
she do this to me? Could I
forgive her? Would she forgive me? All I wanted
was to have my family back
together. It seemed like an eternity waiting for
her to come home.
Finally she
was back ... he left, and I persuade her to get
into my car. We talked
as I drove.
I pleaded ... promised ... and even begged. She
could not be swayed.
“It’s over
between us. I’ve filed for a divorce. You11 be
served papers on
Monday,” she
told me. “I’m never coming back to you.”
After two hours, I knew all hope was gone. I had
lost my family, the
only thing
in this life that really meant anything to me. As
I returned home, one
desperate
thought after another hammered in my mind. “What
can I do now?” “I have
nothing to live for ... I hate my life ... and I
want to die. “I hate
you,” I
screamed at myself. “I’m going to kill you.”
I was on an especially dark country road, about
three miles from home. The
road turned at the precipice of the Snake River
Canyon. I drove with
my elbows
on the steering wheel so I could dig my nails into
my face. My eyes
blurred with
tears. I’d made up my mind ... “I’m going to drive
into the canyon,
pedal-to-the metal, like Evil Kinevil.” Then a
verse I’d memorized as
a child came into my
mind, “ ... the valley of the shadow of death”.
“Finish that verse!” I
heard a voice
say. A voice in my head ... or was it? “I will
fear no evil for Thou
art with me,” I
spontaneously responded. “Oh, no you don’t!” I
answered myself.
“You’re not
talking yourself out of this”. I heard the voice
again ... “Yes,
tonight you will take
your life. Why don’t you give it to me instead?’’
“Oh yeah,” I
sneered, “I tried
that once and look what it’s brought me to!”
“Yes,” He said,” but you
never
gave me everything and what you did give me you
took back a little at
a time
until I had nothing. Why don’t you give me
everything this time and I
will make
a difference?”
With eyes still full of tears, I saw this vision:
A garbage can sat on
the edge of
the canyon, empty blackness beyond. I saw myself,
arms full of trash,
angrily
approaching to discard the refuse of my life. And
standing next to the
can ...
Jesus ... nail-scarred hands outstretched ...
pleading, ‘Why don’t you
give it to me
instead?”
My heart was breaking inside. I really didwant to
die. I hated myself
and all
that my ugly life had become. “But here’s Jesus,
and He wants my trash?” I
considered for a moment. .. “What have I got to
loose?” Then, from my
breaking
heart I said, “Yes, Lord. I will give you
everything this time.”
My remorse, self-loathing and sorrow instantly
turned to joy. Joy
unspeakable
and full of glory(1Peter1:8). “How can this be?” I
asked myself, “How
can it
be???” “How can I be so happy when I’ve lost
everything I love?” I
continued on home with new unexplainable joy
filling my heart. “When I get
there,” I thought to myself, “I want to find that
verse. Psalm 23 ...
the one that’s
changed my life ... the reason I’m still alive.”
“Yea, though I walk
through the
valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil
for Thou art with
me ... “I had
given Him everything and He gave me Joy ...
Unspeakable Joy. “Why?” I
asked
myself again. As I opened the dusty Bible I’d set
aside so many years
before
it came to Psalm 32. I had this impulsive thought
as I looked down.
“If the
Lord is God, then let the first thing I read be
His words to me.” The
Bible had
opened without flipping a page to Psalm 32. Every
word applied to
me.
PSALM 32:1-5, 8
1 Blessed (or happy) is he whose transgression is
forgiven, whose sin is
covered.
2 Blessed is the man unto whom the LORD imputeth
not iniquity, and in
whose spirit there is no guile.
3 When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through
my roaring all the
day long.
4 For day and night Thy hand was heavy upon me: my
moisture is
turned into the drought of summer. Selah. (Think
about that).
5 I acknowledged my sin unto Thee, and mine
iniquity have I not hid. I
said, I will confess my transgressions unto the
LORD; and Thou
forgavest the iniquity of my sin. Selah.
8 I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way
which thou shalt go: I
will guide thee with mine eye.
Yes, He had somehow, miraculously caused my Bible
to open to these
words and
now I knew God would guide me. How miraculous that
He spoke to me, that He
was waiting for me in the “valley of the shadow of
death”, and most of
all ... that
He wanted me.
It might be enough to finish the story here but I
just have to share what
happened next. You know? “If the LORD is God ... “
Well I wanted to be
really
convinced and ! honestly digr(t W!rit to g_o_ e>n_
if thi~. had all
l:>een some “mindgame”.
By now it was about 3 AM and I just felt like He
wanted me to go to my
old church in the morning and tell my story. Well
... what do you
think I did? I
challenged Him, that if this was all real and He
wanted me to go to
church, I
would need to be up by 8 AM. I said to Him, “I’m
not going to set the
alarm and
if you can’t wake me up in time, 111 go back and
finish what I started
tonight. I
really don’t want to go on if this wasn’t of you”.
What a peaceful nights’ rest ... When I awoke, my
first thought was,
“Gee, I feel
wonderful...” then I remembered my death threat.
“Umm, what time is
it?” Oh,
Wow! Exactly 8 AM. The minute hand was still
between the one and the two.
You know! The ones at the top?
That night, God changed me. Not completely,
because that’s a process
called
life. He gave me a new direction and, best of all,
a new friend. I
have never for
a moment regretted giving Him everything. Neither
will you.
Your Friend in Christ
Mike Martin
|