Tempted to Worry
By Brenda Scherf
Matthew 6: 31-34 “So do not worry, saying ‘what
shall we eat?’ or
‘what shall we
drink?’ or ‘what shall we wear?’ For the pagans
run after all these
things, and your heavenly
Father knows that you need them. But seek first
His kingdom and His
righteousness, and all
these things will be given to you as well.
Therefore, do not worry
about tomorrow, for tomorrow
will worry about itself. Each day has enough
trouble of its own.”
In July of 1997, I gave resignation notice to my
employer of eight
years. I was suffering
frequent migraine headaches, had grown
increasingly discontent with my
job and believed that
the time was right to move on. My dilemma was that
I was paid a very
good salary for the job I
performed and I had no immediate prospects for
another job. I resigned
“on faith” with a strong
conviction that I’d find something else quickly
with no difficulty. I
also looked forward to
having a few weeks off to relax while I looked for
new employment.
I agreed to stay with my employer until my
replacement was on board
and trained, which
ended up being three more months. During that time
a seed of an idea
started to form in my
mind about a possible business venture. No job
leads panned out before
I finally left and the
vision for this business had continued to grow. I
had never done
anything but work for a
paycheck though. Could I possibly run a business
of my own? I didn’t
think I could try it alone.
Sensing that the whole idea might be from the
Lord, I shared my
thoughts with a friend
and asked her to pray about working together in
the venture. We prayed
and discussed the
possibility often. After a couple of months we
took the leap by
forming a company and
formalizing a business plan. By November we were
in full swing
preparation to open our
business in December. At this point I was excited
and optimistic about
the future. We saw
God’s hand at work as we searched for an
affordable location; built
our starting inventory and
made other arrangements to open. We both felt
strongly convicted to
resist the temptation to go
in to debt in any way to finance our business. I
had a small financial
reserve to carry me through
the next couple of months and didn’t think much
beyond that. I was
sure that my background in
business and accounting would provide an adequate
source of income. I
also hoped that,
contrary to all statistics about new businesses,
our store would
provide at least a small
supplement to my income. No doubts, no fears. God
was on our side! We
opened in December
as planned.
Faith is a basic tenant of the Christian belief
system I have
subscribed to since my teens
when I gave my life to Christ. But faith is easy
with a paycheck.
Never in my life had I been
without a steady source of income until now. By
February I was an
emotional wreck. I had one
regular accounting client that paid me $300.00 per
month. My house
payment is $650.00. The
numbers did not add up. My savings were gone. I
had committed to be at
our new store 6 days a
week from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. This schedule didn’t
allow for a second
job in my field of expertise.
The store I had such high hopes for was covering
its own expenses, but
there was nothing left
over for me. My partner continued to work at her
regular job, but was
only able to contribute
nominal amounts of funds from her budget into the
business. No source
of cash for me there either. By this time I was
convinced that the
whole idea was harebrained and that God must be
letting me fail for
not planning well and for not listening to His
voice.
How I was going to pay my next bill became an
obsession with me. I
began to resent my
business partner because she had a job and was
doing OK while I was
subjected to the stress of
living day to day. I put out applications for full
time employment,
thinking that I would just get
a job then deal with how to keep the store open
when a job opportunity
came up. Several
interviews resulted from my employment search,
including a some second
interviews. Each time
I was second choice or my salary requirements
could not be met. This
was such a frustrating
process. I had always found jobs when needed in
the past. Did God want
me to stay at the
store? I prayed constantly about what to do. I
continually asked the
Lord to open a door for me,
and in the meantime kept banging on every door I
knew of to try to
work something out for
myself.
None of my efforts to solve my financial dilemma
were working. Still,
each month
something worked out to cover my bills. Not every
provision was what I
would have preferred.
I discovered that I was a person of great pride
and taking gifts and
‘’hand-outs” was extremely
humbling for me. But there were loving friends and
church family with
open hands and hearts to
help me financially where I couldn’t help myself.
People were
referring accounting and tax
work to me. I got a call from a colleague at
Spokane Falls Community
College about teaching a
night class for Spring quarter. She recalled that
I had taught at
Whitworth College before and
thought I might be interested. Was I ever! Here
was a brief reprieve,
but still I worried.
Summer came and with it a request to do an
accounting project for my
church. I also had
two new accounting clients that were referred to
me. Still I was
living one day at a time. Still I
was sending out resumes for full time work. Still
I was worrying. In
July I got a call from SFCC
again. An instructor had cancelled at the last
minute for two daytime
classes in the fall and I was
offered the position. I listened with doubt,
thinking I wouldn’t be
able to take a job for only two
hours in the middle of the day. I wanted to shout
and groan at the
same time when the I was told
the classes were at 7:30 and 8:30 a.m. I could
still be at the store
by our normal opening time,
but the casual sleeping schedule I had become
accustomed to over the
past several months would
be at an end. Praise God. It was work and it came
with a paycheck. I
accepted the position.
One day as I was recounting to someone the amazing
ways that my needs
had been met
since leaving my job, it occurred to me that all
my efforts had been
in vain and every financial
need had been met through means I did not solicit.
I had worried,
schemed and complained I
had battled with resentment. Yet God had lived up
to His promise to
feed and clothe me. To my
shame I realized I had not lived up to His command
to seek first His
kingdom. I had been
seeking my security. My faith had not been in the
promises of God or
in His love for me as His
child. My faith had been in me and my ability to
take care of myself.
Stripped of that ability,
and having need, my eyes were suddenly opened to
the fact that my
Heavenly Father had been
there all along. He hadn’t provided a month, a
week or sometimes even
a day in advance, but He
had provided what was necessary for each day.
While I had been
borrowing trouble from
tomorrow He had been taking care of today.
It’s easy to second guess what we know to be true
when trials come and
circumstances
are difficult. I really did know that God gave me
the vision for our
business and, at least for
now, He wants me to be here taking care of it.
When my situation
became uncomfortable I
didn’t want to believe that God was making me
struggle, so I told
myself I must have heard
wrong in the first place. God wasn’t making me
struggle. I was
struggling against His
command to live by faith. I had lived not
understanding that faith and
uncertainty are partners.
We do not have to trust for what we see, but for
what we don’t see.
Sometimes I’m still tempted to worry about the
future, which may be as
close at the due
date of the electric bill. I don’t know how my
financial needs will be
provided for. But I know I
don’t have to fret or fear. “For our light and
momentary troubles are
achieving for us an eternal
glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our
eyes not on what is
seen but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen
is eternal”. 2
Corinthians 4:17-18. When I
remember God’s faithfulness over this past year,
my heart fills with
peace and confidence that I
can be about the business He’s given me and He’ll
continue to provide
as He has all along.
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