Coming Home

I was at home early one afternoon, a friend and his wife had come to visit and stay a while to help me with my pending surgery. The doctors were not sure how to proceed, so they were consulting doctors from all over the country on what to do. It seems that what I have is very uncommon and it is hereditary in my family.
So with all this indecision going on, before I knew it, 4 to 5 months had already passed. My friends, Gray and his wife, Petei, were talking about heading off to Wisconsin soon; they wanted to be there by March and it was already early May. Petei has an assist dog, "Blue". Petei has been recovering from a stroke for a while now and has been doing very well. One day while visiting, Blue was chasing a ball and twisted her right hind leg. She was hurt bad; the veterinarian said she had to be off her leg for another 6-8 weeks, which obviously prolonged Gray and Petei''s visit. This is where I feel God A couple of weeks later I started to have problems breathing. My heart went into A-Fib and I could not breathe. I managed to get to my phone and within seconds Gray and Petei had me in their car, rushing me to the hospital. (You need to keep in mind that I amvery hard headed and was going to beat The hospital got me going again by shocking me and oxygen and some heavy doses of morphine.
Once I was stable enough they moved me to the 4th floor where they kept me monitored and with a very close watch. I was still having a hard time breathing and several times the doctors and nurses had to come into my room to help me. I didn''t know how long I had been there. I thought perhaps it had been about a half day. I don''t remember a lot about the first few days. My good friends, Gloria and Gray, later told me I had been there for three days. I didn''t remember any friends that had been there. Jerry Lewis and his wife, Eva had also been there.
I do remember I really wanted to take a shower thinking this would make me feel better, so I talked the nurse into agreeing with me that I was doing better. She came in to cover the IV''s and disconnect the wires. (Again, I was not asking for help from God, except to not let me stop breathing again, because it was terrifying to me, and I would panic when it happened.) As the nurse was preparing me for the shower I had that feeling again. It would start with me sweating so badly within minutes I was totally drenched. That was followed with a cold chill starting at my feet, moving up my legs, then my chest. By the time it got to my head, I could no longer breathe. By this time I was screaming, "NO, NO, NO!!!!" In other words, I was fighting on my own. This had happened about three times before this last time. (They would give me drugs to calm me down.) 1 grabbed the nurse and said, "1 need help NOW!!!" The last thing I remember was seeing her run out of the room to get help. (I really felt bad for her). I am sure this is when I stopped breathing and my heart stopped. I was still conscious, I think but not sure. But this time instead of panicking and fighting on my own, my thoughts went to the Lord. I quit worrying about things that didn''t matter, like my work, things 1 felt I needed to complete before I left, etc ... I found myself being laid into a big, soft, fluffy, bed by these two big hands with the arms having very loose fitting long sleeves, so clean and white and shiny. I could feel the comfort of the bed. It was as if I was still in my body, but was also looking on and watching all that was happening. I felt so at ease with this, being in these strong hands. Then it seemed like 1 was still in the room but on the other side of the bed sitting, looking at myself. It''s difficult to describe. The background was dark, but it was if the things going on in the room were lit up.
The feeling I was experiencing is indescribable. There was no need to breathe, no pain, no panic; just a feeling of belonging .... I was home! A peaceful feeling that was so great there are truly no words to describe it. Love, comfort, happiness, etc ... The magnitude of all these feelings and experiences! It seemed that everything I was worried about were no longer issues, all was good. Then I heard someone screaming at me to breathe, they were also shocking my heart to make it start beating again. I was not liking it, and just wanted to stay where I was, but the doctors were being very aggressive and their voices kept getting louder and louder. At this point, I felt that I knew it was not my time yet and God wanted me to come back. I felt I was now back in my body and just to shut the doctors up, I took a breath. I didn''t want to come back and was still fighting to return to be held in those comforting arms, but the doctors were forcing air into my lungs and continued to shock me. I finally did what God wanted and started to breathe again. Coming back was worse than going, because I now know what I gave up to come back.
I don''t remember much afterwards, other than waking up in ClCU (cardiac intensive care unit) at the hospital. My sisters, brother, sons, friends, some of my church family were there when I started to understand what was going on. ,
2 I pray that all the doctors I have met with can get some knowledge from me to be able to treat others with this rare disease I have. I thank my Father in Heaven for showing me what is waiting for us and I know without a doubt that he only showed me a very small amount of what we have to look forward to. I don''t think had I experienced more, that I could have handled coming back. I dream every day of going "Home".
I know God has me here for a reason, and I want everyone to learn from my experiences how awesome it is and how blessed we are to be loved and wanted by one Lord and Savior. He has shown me the there should be no fear in death, no sadness, no matter how we die because our soul never dies and what awaits us is pure, clean, contentment; love, glory, happiness, peace, and the best part is the eternal life with God our Father in Heaven.
After my surgery (about three weeks later) I had to go back into the hospital because one of the leads from the pacemaker got loose. Again, I came very close to passing on, but now I feel great!
However, I found myself thinking right before the doctors went in to re-attach the lead to the lower part of my heart; God, I haven''t written this yet and I know that is why you sent me back. You want me to tell everyone about the greatness of life in Heaven you have prepared for us.
I tell people this story and most want to know more and get very excited. Some have looked at me like I am crazy! For those, I pray that God will change their heart.
I thank you Lord for all the tools you gave me through this experience and I know we are all loved and wanted. We just need to figure out a way to get to those who don''t know they are loved and In John 20:29 (one of my favorite verses) "Blessed are those who have not seen, but have believed." There are so many people I want to thank for their prayers and support; my family, friends, church family, doctors, and nurses. I am living proof that your prayers are heard and answered.
Trust in the Lord!
Herbert Paul Koster
The phrase to "See the light" is defined - "To come into existence"
It makes sense to think of it to mean "Coming home"