Coming Home
Herbert Paul Koster
I was at home early one afternoon, a friend and his wife had come to
visit and stay a while to
help me with my pending surgery. The doctors were not sure how to
proceed, so they were consulting
doctors from all over the country on what to do. It seems that what I
have is very uncommon and it is
hereditary in my family.
So with all this indecision going on, before I knew it, 4 to 5 months
had already passed. My
friends, Gray and his wife, Petei, were talking about heading off to
Wisconsin soon; they wanted to be
there by March and it was already early May. Petei has an assist dog,
"Blue". Petei has been recovering
from a stroke for a while now and has been doing very well. One day
while visiting, Blue was chasing a
ball and twisted her right hind leg. She was hurt bad; the
veterinarian said she had to be off her leg for
another 6-8 weeks, which obviously prolonged Gray and Petei''s visit.
This is where I feel God
A couple of weeks later I started to have problems breathing. My heart
went into A-Fib and I
could not breathe. I managed to get to my phone and within seconds
Gray and Petei had me in their car,
rushing me to the hospital. (You need to keep in mind that I amvery
hard headed and was going to beat
The hospital got me going again by shocking me and oxygen and some
heavy doses of morphine.
Once I was stable enough they moved me to the 4th floor where they
kept me monitored and with a very
close watch. I was still having a hard time breathing and several
times the doctors and nurses had to
come into my room to help me. I didn''t know how long I had been there.
I thought perhaps it had been
about a half day. I don''t remember a lot about the first few days. My
good friends, Gloria and Gray, later
told me I had been there for three days. I didn''t remember any friends
that had been there. Jerry Lewis
and his wife, Eva had also been there.
I do remember I really wanted to take a shower thinking this would
make me feel better, so I
talked the nurse into agreeing with me that I was doing better. She
came in to cover the IV''s and
disconnect the wires. (Again, I was not asking for help from God,
except to not let me stop breathing
again, because it was terrifying to me, and I would panic when it
happened.) As the nurse was preparing
me for the shower I had that feeling again. It would start with me
sweating so badly within minutes I
was totally drenched. That was followed with a cold chill starting at
my feet, moving up my legs, then
my chest. By the time it got to my head, I could no longer breathe. By
this time I was screaming, "NO,
NO, NO!!!!" In other words, I was fighting on my own. This had
happened about three times before this
last time. (They would give me drugs to calm me down.)
1 grabbed the nurse and said, "1 need help NOW!!!" The last thing I
remember was seeing her
run out of the room to get help. (I really felt bad for her). I am
sure this is when I stopped breathing and
my heart stopped. I was still conscious, I think but not sure. But
this time instead of panicking and
fighting on my own, my thoughts went to the Lord. I quit worrying
about things that didn''t matter, like
my work, things 1 felt I needed to complete before I left, etc ...
I found myself being laid into a big, soft, fluffy, bed by these two
big hands with the arms having
very loose fitting long sleeves, so clean and white and shiny. I could
feel the comfort of the bed. It was
as if I was still in my body, but was also looking on and watching all
that was happening. I felt so at ease
with this, being in these strong hands. Then it seemed like 1 was
still in the room but on the other side of
the bed sitting, looking at myself. It''s difficult to describe. The
background was dark, but it was if the
things going on in the room were lit up.
The feeling I was experiencing is indescribable. There was no need to
breathe, no pain, no panic;
just a feeling of belonging .... I was home! A peaceful feeling that
was so great there are truly no words
to describe it. Love, comfort, happiness, etc ... The magnitude of all
these feelings and experiences! It
seemed that everything I was worried about were no longer issues, all
was good.
Then I heard someone screaming at me to breathe, they were also
shocking my heart to make it
start beating again. I was not liking it, and just wanted to stay
where I was, but the doctors were being
very aggressive and their voices kept getting louder and louder. At
this point, I felt that I knew it was not
my time yet and God wanted me to come back. I felt I was now back in
my body and just to shut the
doctors up, I took a breath. I didn''t want to come back and was still
fighting to return to be held in those
comforting arms, but the doctors were forcing air into my lungs and
continued to shock me. I finally did
what God wanted and started to breathe again. Coming back was worse
than going, because I now know
what I gave up to come back.
I don''t remember much afterwards, other than waking up in ClCU
(cardiac intensive care unit) at
the hospital. My sisters, brother, sons, friends, some of my church
family were there when I started to
understand what was going on.
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2
I pray that all the doctors I have met with can get some knowledge
from me to be able to treat
others with this rare disease I have. I thank my Father in Heaven for
showing me what is waiting for us
and I know without a doubt that he only showed me a very small amount
of what we have to look
forward to. I don''t think had I experienced more, that I could have
handled coming back. I dream every
day of going "Home".
I know God has me here for a reason, and I want everyone to learn from
my experiences how
awesome it is and how blessed we are to be loved and wanted by one
Lord and Savior. He has shown me
the there should be no fear in death, no sadness, no matter how we die
because our soul never dies and
what awaits us is pure, clean, contentment; love, glory, happiness,
peace, and the best part is the eternal
life with God our Father in Heaven.
After my surgery (about three weeks later) I had to go back into the
hospital because one of the
leads from the pacemaker got loose. Again, I came very close to
passing on, but now I feel great!
However, I found myself thinking right before the doctors went in to
re-attach the lead to the lower part
of my heart; God, I haven''t written this yet and I know that is why
you sent me back. You want me to
tell everyone about the greatness of life in Heaven you have prepared
for us.
I tell people this story and most want to know more and get very
excited. Some have looked at
me like I am crazy! For those, I pray that God will change their heart.
I thank you Lord for all the tools you gave me through this experience
and I know we are all
loved and wanted. We just need to figure out a way to get to those who
don''t know they are loved and
In John 20:29 (one of my favorite verses) "Blessed are those who have
not seen, but have
believed." There are so many people I want to thank for their prayers
and support; my family, friends,
church family, doctors, and nurses. I am living proof that your
prayers are heard and answered.
Trust in the Lord!
Herbert Paul Koster
The phrase to "See the light" is defined - "To come into existence"
It makes sense to think of it to mean "Coming home"
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