By: Laudia Jones
My journey starts out in a bedroom, on the top bunk bed, at about four years old. My parents were constantly fighting. My brother and I were frightened because of the hollering. We were prompted to go to bed. On one particular night I had a dream that’s still vivid to me this day. I had a dream that I was standing on a sidewalk in a neighborhood, and I saw Jesus standing on the other side of the sidewalk. There was a light beaming down on him. There were passersby’s on his side of the sidewalk, but nobody else could see him but me. We were starring at each other. And the message I got was: It''s just you and me.
About three to four years later we went to church in another town, which was great, because we didn''t go to church much, but it was nice when we did. Everyone was worshipping God at that church service. I know I was young, but I could feel the Holy Spirit in there, because I''d get hot. I would raise my hands and praise God like my daddy. And I would go up dancing around the church with the kids. The pastor started laying hands on us kids who desired to receive Jesus as our lord and savior. And that''s the first time I went down in the spirit. I received the Holy Ghost that night. It felt like lightening and fire running all through me.
I didn''t comprehend how to truly live as a Christian at such a young age, but I believe God began working in me. For instance, discerning right from wrong, and preparing me for what was ahead.
My mom was sick at the time and she died when I was nine years old. My brother was hospitalized at the time, and I was left home alone for a week. I was nervous and scared but very upset CYS took me away from my home. I missed my father very much. I shut down for at least two months - barely eating and not talking. I just stared a lot at the floor.
About six months later I was placed in another home with my brother. I started to talk some but not much. I was happy to see him. Then, we ended up staying with my aunt and I opened up. She took us to church and we had visits with our dad again.
A year laer we started living with our dad again. We lived in a small apartment that my dad could afford, but things were different. My dad struggled as a single dad and he held readings (psychic parties). I guess I saw my dad as an individual for the first time and not just my “dad,” and so I started experiencing my own individuality as well -- not fully aware of who I was and where I stood in life. So I cut my hair myself and started having independent thoughts at age 11 1/2 years old.
We moved around a lot and I saw my dad become more of this person I didn''t understand. He was so different from the person who had raised me when my mom was alive. Who I saw my dad becoming had started to make me feel rejection because of the path he was taking. And I started to withdraw into forms of isolation, because of things going on I didn''t understand. My dad was dressing like women, prostituting, doing drugs, giving psychic readings and holding parties almost everyday way into the night.
We started moving around a lot. There were drive-by shootings where people got hurt, drug dealers, and prostitution going on. My brother got caught up with young juveniles and did bad things. I was still saying the Lord’s Prayer every night but not fully understanding I wasn''t growing as a Christian.
The only example I had was my dad, but the lord kept me in His discernment in areas he wanted. He preserved me for that very difficult time in my life. The only two things I took from my dad''s example was individuality, and growing into a feminine young lady.
My dad was in and out of jail. I realized that even though I was losing my way as an infant in Christ, God was still using me.
My cousin started taking my brother and I to church every Sunday … from our pit of sin at home. I began reading my Bible more and I would pray everyday for God to get me out of that bad environment. And I prayed for my family everyday because we all could have died (My brother who was hanging out with juveniles, and my dad, who could have died in his sin).
I believe my life was dedicated to Jesus young and for a purpose - for a reason. Romans 9:15 says:
For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion (KJV).
I believe because of my prayers and reminding my dad about Jesus’ love for us, my family is still alive today. From there on I began growing from an infant spiritually into a spiritually maturing young women who was learning from her mistakes as I grew, and to began to walk right with the lord.
Rom 10:12-13:
For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved. (KJV)
Rom 11:32:
For God hath concluded them all in unbelief, that he might have mercy upon all. (KJV)
I''m giving glory to Jesus for my ability to write this! AMEN!